As a follower of Christ, I believe that all humanity will be measured by God, using His word and the life of His son as the standard.  But, every day of our lives we are measured by others; we are compared, criticized, commended, and sometimes confined.  I listened to a man talk about his life the other day.  He seemed to be judging himself, comparing himself to others, measuring himself using a very long ruler.  It made me wonder, what is the measure of a man?

Certainly there are many ways men are measured and measure themselves, by the work they do, how much money they make, what kind of life they lead, etc.  The greatest measure of a man will be revealed when he stands before God, but what makes him “good” here on earth?  Again, certainly there are many things that make a man good.  Perhaps, the greatest measure of a man is not in how much money he makes, or in a prestigious job, or necessarily the type of life he leads, but rather it is who his children become.

As part of my research interests, I read about all kinds of families, single-parent families, gay & lesbian families, Christian families, atheist families, immigrant families, and many other unique types of families.  One thing these families all have in common, is they have children.  Some of these families are by some standards, doing a better job at raising their children than others.  Generally speaking, there is no one thing that can predict how the children of a family are going to turn out.  More and more research has been showing, however, that having a father-figure in the home seems to change negative behavior in most children.

As a father myself, I often wonder how my children are going to turn out.  I have hopes and dreams for them.  I have an ideal person in mind.  But I must not forget that they have their own hopes and dreams and as they develop they will form their own ideal self.  Certainly, I hope that their ideal-self is influenced by Christ and the values and beliefs my wife and I have, but I can’t and shouldn’t force it upon them.  As a father my job is to guide my children into healthy adulthood and hope that I have modeled a way of life that helps them be productive members of society.

People often pre-judge fathers and their children.  I have sat in rooms with parents and heard them predict the future lives of other children.  I suppose we have all done that at one time or another, including myself.  But have you ever self-reflected on some of the predictions made about you?  I have, some of those thoughts are guiding this paper.  I don’t imagine anyone ever thought that I would be an Ordained Minister, have my PhD, be the founder of a Non-Profit organization, have a great family, or be the person I am today.  At times I am not sure I ever thought that about myself.  Those are all accomplishments and have something to do with who I am or maybe it is who I am that has something to do with the accomplishments.  Whichever it is, the true measure of me is who my kids turn out to be.

I don’t know who they will become.  I don’t know what accomplishments they will have in their lives.  I don’t know how they will raise their families.  I don’t know if they will get their college degrees or go on to graduate school, I don’t know.  What I do know, is that my children will decide for themselves who they will be as adults and the influences of my life as their father will have something to do with it.  Sometimes they will choose to do the opposite of what they saw their father do.  Sometimes they will strive to be like their father.  As a father, my job is to love my kids for who they are.  When they become adults, they may not be who I thought they would be, they may not be who others thought they would be, but they will be my kids and I will love them for who they are.

Sometimes, as parents, we tend to be too hard on ourselves, thinking we must do everything right or our kids won’t turn out right.  You know, people have been parents for thousands of years, they all parented they way they knew how, what was modeled for them, and hoped for the best.  The next time you wonder if you’re doing the right thing as a parent, the next time you start to measure yourself against other parents, remember that none of that really matters.  What matters most, is that you care for your children, that you love them the best way you know how, and don’t ever stop.