A few days ago, I was reading some emails and looking through some postings from some broken-hearted ministers. Two in particular struck me. One was from a man who had just completed our research project. He wrote in to tell us briefly what had happened to him when he was forced from his ministry position, one statement he made was, “I was forced to resign a very public position and consequently, my wife divorced me.” Another man wrote in to express his desire to become a “regular Joe”. He was forced to choose his family over his calling.

By the time you read this, I will have handed in the final draft of my research project and will have presented my findings on the effects of stress, forced termination, and high ministry demands on ministers. It is bitter sweet, the finished product. On one hand I found the information I was looking for and finished my first scholarly research project. On the other, I found a reminder of how some ministers are often taken advantage of and when no longer useful to the will of the people are cast out like yesterday’s newspaper.

Forty-two percent of the ministers surveyed in our project had been forced to leave a ministry position at some time during their ministry. After being forced from a ministry position 69% had thought about leaving the ministry. Seventy-four percent said they could never face the people they felt responsible for their forced termination. Another 79% said they were deeply hurt along with 80% of respondents reporting their families were deeply hurt by their forced termination. What these statistics tell us, is that being forced from a ministry position has a collateral affect and is detrimental to the ministry family. There was one bit of positive news; as the stress level of ministers went up so did their reliance on faith. Telling us that no matter what they were facing, faith was their lifeline.

During the middle of a church conflict, no one is thinking about what is going to happen to the ministry family after its all over. No one is thinking about how a seven year old girl is going to have to leave all her friends, her school, her room, perhaps all she knows because some people at the church were mean to her mommy and daddy. No one is thinking about the seventeen year old who has to leave his high school during senior year to switch schools because the pastor and church could not get along. No one is thinking about the emotional and psychological damage being forced from a ministry position has on the minister and family. To our readers, this is why HealingChoice was born, to be the advocate for the ministry family, to be the one who understands and who is thinking about the ministry family.

These stories are very real and certainly hit home for Michelle and me. Every time we hear of someone being forced out of their ministry position or perhaps forced to leave ministry all together, our hearts break. We wonder about their families, where they will spend the night, what the parents will tell their children, we wonder about how they will survive another ministry position and we wonder how we could possibly help them.

Blessings PM
I always welcome your comments.

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“Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” Lam. 3:32

This verse is a message of hope to those who are suffering hurt. Jeremiah authored this book, captured the events that occurred during the siege of Jerusalem and the subsequent sufferings of the Israelites. Lowth said, “Every letter is written with a tear, every word the sound of a broken heart”.

I read through the text and statistical responses of a clergy person who was forced out their church ten years ago. On the surface, it would seem things are going well for this person now but deep down there are still hurts; “it brought back painful memories from my past…even though it was ten years ago, the feelings were like it all happened yesterday.” When I listen to stories of those who have been hurt, for whatever reason, I hurt. I equate it to the quote above, when I listen to their stories I can see the tear-cut grooves on their cheek though the hurt that caused so much pain though it happened a decade ago. I can hear the quiver in their voice as they describe how painfully their heart was broken by the people they once trusted the most. It’s devastating!

As I listen to stories of painful emotional sieges that have taken place in their lives, I want to help. I want to fight back for them. As one of my mentors often tells me, I too have visions of being a fighting ninja, fighting for justice and good. Truly, I think the best help I can offer is to share my own story.

Everyone I talk with gets a piece of my story here or a piece there. The purpose is not to take away from their own pain but to share how I traversed through mine. It wasn’t easy! There are still days I struggle in deep ways, mainly in my ability to socialize with other people. It is weird, my ministry requires me to be social, the jobs I have held as a staff pastor or interim pastor required me to be social, my day job as a professor and recruiter for hospitality require me to be social, but it is the hardest thing for me to do. Sure there are times that are better than others, but it’s the days that are down- right nasty, the days I don’t want to go to work, church, school anything, that I see God’s greatest work in my life.

Jeremiah lamented over the sins of Jerusalem in this book so there is a reason he writes, “Though he brings grief.” God indeed was punishing Israel for their sin, but what about those of us who don’t deserve the grief we’re experiencing? Well, in a few words, deserving or not God still shows His compassion on us! I speak a lot about using our mind in order to be transformed and I believe the concept to be true here as well. Many people focus their attention on whether they deserved a painful experience, which really only serves to deepen the pain. My opinion is that most of us do not deserve the hurtful circumstances we encounter, but it’s the world we live in. Jesus said, “in this world you will have trouble.” John 16:33. So instead of focusing on the motives of the pain I have experienced, instead of grieving over something I cannot control, I instead choose to see God’s compassion in my life. Instead, I choose to live in his unfailing love. I say as the psalmist did, “I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.” Ps 30:7. It is easier said than accomplished, but the next time you feel grieved over a situation in your life, start recalling all of the times in your life that God has shown you compassion or you’ve felt the overwhelming power of His unfailing love.

Blessings PM
I always welcome your comments.

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I received a call the other day from someone interested in our research on forced termination of clergy.  During our conversation, the caller said, “churches have three things to deal with conflict; the Bible, the by-Laws, and tradition.  The first thing they throw out is the Bible, because the preacher knows more than they do, the second is the by-laws because they don’t give them the recourse they want, they always turn to tradition to force the preacher out.” 

It is that “tradition” that is harming the character and witness of the church of Christ!  The tradition of forcing a pastor out involves a concept that we have written about called mobbing.  Mobbing hurts the ministry family and the local church body.  Mobbing or forced termination is a process that involves the psychological and spiritual abuse of the ministry family by a small group of powerful church members.  Part of this process culminates in the forcing out of the ministry family and the church starting a new pastoral search.    

Most people I talk to about this subject say, “That’s just the way it is.”  They believe that pastors come and go; it’s the stability of the church that’s important.  What most people and local church bodies do not consider is the long-term effects of a forced termination.  Briefly, a forced termination affects every member that is involved in forcing the ministry family out.  I believe it affects them in one of two ways; they become even more heartless and calloused and will continue and escalate their abuse towards ministry families or they feel guilty for what they did and will ultimately manifest that guilt in a number of ways I will address in another article.  A forced termination also affects people who attend the local congregation; some people who liked the ministry family will be hurt by the process, some of those people may become disenchanted with the church and choose to leave and some even forsake their faith.  Others are affected in such a way that makes them lackadaisical and uninvolved in the church.  These are the people who are keenly aware of future forced terminations but do nothing to stop it.  Did you know that most forced terminations are planned and implemented by less than 5% of the total church population?  That’s a lot of lukewarm Christians sitting idly by while a family is being abused!

More than the local church body, a family is often so abused they are forever traumatized by the events surrounding their forced termination.  Anecdotal work has shown that ministry families who experience high ministry demands and other events exhibit symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  Although my work is unpublished as of yet, until now no one has been able to show using a scientific methodology that in fact ministry families who experience a forced termination do show signs of PTSD and GAD.   In conversations I have had with ministry families who have experienced forced terminations, they tell me they have been diagnosed by counselors and psychologists as having PTSD and GAD.  Some even tell stories about the long-term effects the forced termination has had on their kids.  In extreme circumstances, their children have suffered so traumatically the abuse of their parents by so-called Christians they have been diagnosed with PTSD and GAD.  Other stories I have listened to tell me that spouses and children have made decisions to leave not only the church but their faith. 

How heartbreaking!  A few folks got together one night at their kitchen table and decided for the entire church body that the ministry family had to go.  Those few put a plan together to do whatever must be done to get the pastor to leave.  Maybe they thought the pastor had become ineffective, maybe they were mad about a change in the worship schedule.  Whatever the case, those few people made a conscientious effort to spiritually, psychologically, and in the most extreme cases physically abuse the ministry family to force a resignation. 

As horrendous as all that is, perhaps, the most damaging is the lack of Christian response.  Christians don’t want to get involved at the local level because they may be afraid of hurting people’s feelings, after all the pastor will leave, they still have to go to church with the others.  Christians don’t want to get involved at the leadership level because they may have to choose sides, parishioners who they’ve known for years or a minister who will go to another church eventually.  Christians don’t want to support organizations like HealingChoice, Ministering to Ministers, Pastor’s Retreat Network and many more because they don’t want to admit ministry families are an important piece of Christ’s church and are in need of speciailized help.  The next time there is a conflict in your church or a threat is made to force your pastor out, what will you do?  How will you respond?

Here are three ways you can respond to potential conflict in your church, whether you’re in leadership or just concerned about the health of your church and ministry family(s).  First, befriend your pastor.  Seventy percent of pastors do not have someone they would consider a close friend in whom they could share secrets with.  Your pastor may never share their most intimate secrets with you but they may share with you potential conflict in the church.  At the very least, you could pray with your pastor about the situation and be a listening post.  Second, get involved.  Whether or not you agree with the 21^st century model of the church, the organization of it allows each member a democratic vote.  As important as it is for you to be involved in your local politics, it is equally important to be involved in your local church politics.  Protect the eternally important things like, people and their spiritual and emotional health; give some credence to the history it’s important and forget about those things that don’t mean anything in the scope of eternity.  Third, when it’s time for a ministry family to move on from your church, send them away like you would your son or daughter at their wedding.  The leaving of your ministry family should be joyous and sad at the same time; sad because you’re losing a close member of your family but joyous because you know they are leaving in the will of God and you want to see them blessed as they go.  A ministry family should never leave a church because a powerful member of your church doesn’t like what they’re doing.  Finally, if you suspect a ministry family is being abused in your church, stand up for what is right!

Blessings PM
I always welcome  your comments.

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I have always appreciated the mind and the power held within it.  I used to be quite careful about what I said among particular circles for fear of offending someone.  Our world is just a little too “PC”!  I believe that our mind, created by God, truly has the power to change our life.  I also believe that helping people use their mind to better themselves is important.  Therefore the study of the mind is also important, especially for Christians.  For many years there has been a subtle movement against psychology among Christians.  No doubt those folks have made large generalizations about psychology and those who study it while at the same time hating the large generalizations made about Christians. 

The Bible talks a great deal about the mind, its connection to the heart, and its connection to how we live.  It would seem to me the more we know about how our mind works, through philosophy and psychology, the healthier we would be.

  Consider Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh within himself, so is he:” (ASV).  This is an interesting morsel of scripture.  When reading newer versions and translations of the Bible this verse disappears.  I think that is unfortunate.  Some people tend to have a negative, pessimistic view of life.  The other day I was with a friend who received a phone call and immediately assumed the associated circumstance was bad.  It was interesting watching my friend get worked up into a mental frenzy about the situation.  I told my friend to think positively about the situation and that it was detrimental, in more ways than one, to make such large negative assumptions. 

I know a lot of people who work themselves into being sick, negative, angry, bitter, etc. because that’s how they think.  There’s something to be said for seeing life as “the glass is half full”, or more specifically for Christians, “pressed down, shaken together, and running over” (Luke 6:38, ASV).  But for many this is easier said than done.  It takes practice, patience, and a true transformation.  One of my favorite verses of Scripture is found in Romans 12:2  “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  Notice that we are transformed by the renewing of our mind, not our spirit, not our flesh, not our relationships, our mind! 

It takes a great deal of patience and practice to transform ourselves through our thoughts.  I still have days where I see my world as “half empty”  but the more I study, the more I think, the more I learn to transform my life into something great and positive.  Challenge yourself to see yourself as the beautiful masterpiece that God created you to be.  Try to think positively about every situation that comes your way today.

Blessings
PM

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My research and professional work centers itself around hurting people.  In fact in a research study I just completed many of the hurting people I talk with are more than hurting, they have been traumatized!  What I hate most about the trauma and hurt these great people have experienced is that it has come by the hands of the very organization and people they served.  As a researcher one tries to be objective and unbiased but, I have found it difficult to do so in my own work.  As I listen to the emotional stories of hurting ministers, I find myself trying to hold back my own emotions.

In fact I remember as though it was just a few hours ago, the period just after I had been forced out of a church through negative psychological pressure.  I was so angry, I wanted revenge, I wanted to take action, I wanted these people to hurt just as much as my own family and I were hurting.  At the same time I know God has His plan for my life and His plan is perfect.  That conflict Paul says, is a “war against the law of my mind” (Rom. 7:23).  I really had two choices, I could stay mad, angry, hurt, leave the church and my relationship with Christ or I could figure out a way to find peace for my own mind and my own life. 

Those who know me know the whole story, but I’ll share just a brief part here for the article.  I had been studying one day and read the following: “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Rom. 12:2).  I have heard my grandfather quote this verse of scripture a thousand times or more, it is one of his favorites.  I paid little attention to it that day.  It would be almost a year later that those words would be brought to the forefront of my mind.  It was almost a year later that I experienced my forced termination and was wondering how to deal with my feelings.

Now its been years later and I still experience some of the long-term effects of having gone through a forced termination.  The difference between then and now is partly time but also learning to find peace and learning to love through the hurt.  I want to share some thoughts with you.

Paul’s dissertation to the Roman church has  a wealth of knowledge and advice that is still true today.  In Rom. 12:12 we are admonished to do three things: first, be joyful in hope, second, be patient in affliction, and third, be faithful in prayer.  These are three things that we must learn to do if we are to find peace and love during those most hurtful times in our life. 

How do we learn to be joyful in hope?  Look in the fifth chapter of the letter that Paul wrote to the Roman church.  Beginning in verse one, he says that ” since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God”.  Look in chapter four for more on justification through faith.  It is the “peace with God” that I want to focus on.  Notice it is not in God or because of God or even through God, that we have peace.  It is with God.  The word “with” indicates that a relationship with God  is necessary for peace and that God is accompanying us in life.  In other words when we have a personal relationship with God, His “peace of understanding” is in some small way “with” us.  His peace goes with us, it comes in with us, it thinks with us, it is with us and within us. 

This peace with God is obtained through “our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom 5:1) and because of that relationship, not only do we have peace with God but we have gained access to grace.  That access to grace then allows us to “rejoice in the hope of the glory of God”; in other words the resurrection.  Paul goes on to say that not only do we rejoice in the hope, but we also rejoice in our sufferings.  Now this is much harder to do than writing it down on a piece of papyrus or an electronic blog.  We don’t rejoice because someone is hurting us, we don’t rejoice when we feel let down by the people we trust or love.  But we do rejoice that because of the peace we have with God, our hope is not in those we surround ourselves with, but rather it is in God.  Because His peace accompanies us our hurt and the suffering that goes with it is merely a shaping tool God can use to produce perseverance in us (Rom. 5:3).  That perseverance produces character and character produces hope (Rom. 5:4).  I’ll expound on this more at another time.   We can learn to be joyful in our hope and patient in our affliction (Rom 12:12).

When the pains of life have us feeling emotionally down, not only must we learn to be joyful in our hope and patient in our affliction, but we must be faithful in prayer.  This is probably more difficult than anything else when we are hurting, especially when that hurt has come from someone associated with our faith network.  When I was hurt, I wanted to talk to someone, anyone who would listen, but not God.  The only thing is when you go through something like a forced termination, no one wants to talk to you about it.  Forced termination of clergy is more taboo than the subject of sex, for the Church.  The only person I could talk to was God and I was mad that He had allowed it to happen. 

Prayer was difficult and still is sometimes because I remain so close to this subject.  There are days I still find myself angry, but I have to remember, had I not experienced it, I would not be doing what I’m doing now.  As my word count continues to skyrocket for this posting, I want to say that it is faithfulness in prayer that keeps that personal relationship with God where it needs to be.  When that personal relationship is where it needs to be, peace will accompany us through life. 

I am far from perfect, but those who really know me would say that I am a pretty peaceful guy.  I will continue to go through ebbs and flows as God continues to mold me.  No matter the significance of your hurt, you can learn to find peace and love through it.  As always, I welcome your comments.

 Blessings
PM

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When I first started this research in 2005, I was in a depressed state. I wanted to talk to people about my situation but was prohibited from doing so. There were stories I had heard about other’s experience with forced termination but the subject is so taboo facts were hard to come by. I vaguely remember reading an article in a magazine targeted to ministers on Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The article expressed opinions that ministers in extreme circumstances may experience these disorders. Although my experience with forced termination was devastating in more ways than one, I don’t think I was traumatized in the clinical sense. I have gone through my boxes of books and magazines (my wife can attest to the fact that I keep almost everything) and I can not find the article.

Over the past four years, while looking for the infamous article, I have been wanting to show some scientific proof that ministers who experience forced termination do indeed show signs of PTSD, GAD, and depressive symptoms. I have finally made the connection!! We recently wrote up some preliminary results of an ongoing project on Clergy Who Experience Trauma as a Result of Forced Termination. If you have experienced a forced termination and would like to participate in the project visit http://tinyurl.com/ng93f4.

The results are from a small sample of clergy that experienced a forced termination, 33 participants. We also highlight some excerpts from three interviews we did.

First, we scored ministers on the Perceptions of Terminated Ministers (PTM) developed by Tanner, Tanner, and Zvonkovic (2008). Sixty-eight percent of the sample held negative views of their termination experience. This is not so surprising but important for the next finding. Because I had a long held belief that forced termination is associated with symptoms of PTSD and GAD, we added items to the scale that measured for PTSD. With the addition of PTSD scale items, 58% of the sample scored above the mid-range, indicating symptoms of PTSD that are associated with forced termination. In an interview not included in this publication, a ministry couple was actually clinically diagnosed with PTSD.

Second, we scored ministers on level of mobbing activities. Mobbing activities are those that are performed by the faction or spokesperson that is in opposition to the minister. For example, a powerful family in the church may withhold important information that affects the job performance of the minister. Fifty-three percent of the sample scored above the mid-range, indicating that mobbing activities are associated with forced termination.

Both of these findings are very important when considering how to help ministry families who have gone through this horrendous experience. Not only do they show symptoms of PTSD, GAD, and depression, which are all treatable, we can point to a potential reason why they are so traumatized, mobbing. During our interviews, we uncovered other disturbing information in relation to mobbing. Many of the ministers were harassed both during the process of forced termination and even afterwards by the responsible party. They were constantly approached by a spokesperson and asked to resign, they were threatened in different ways when they didn’t. All of the participants were subject to psychological pressures, which are subtle messages sent by members of the faction to the minister. These subtle message might include members of the disgruntled party choosing to stop their tithing or even long-time members choosing to leave the church but keep their name on the membership list. These are all tactics that a disgruntled party uses to pressure a minister to leave. In very extreme cases, when a minister refuses to capitulate to the pressure, mobbing, and personal attacks, churches may try to take a minister to court and legally force him/her out.

This is a disturbing practice being performed by more and more of our churches. Some of you reading this may wonder why you don’t hear more about this disturbing practice. Another interesting theme we uncovered during our interviews was the practice of coercive threats. This happens when a church makes promises of severance pay when the minister leaves but threatens the minister to sign a contract prohibiting any public discussion of the events. Once the minister signs the contract, usually a sum much less than promised is given to the minister as severance. I have been personally subject to this practice by one church. Usually this coercive practice is carried out in a very intimidating procedure, where a room is set up much like a court room, sometimes microphones and recorders are used, other times judicatory officials are called in to be witnesses. Ministers usually have no choice but to sign a contract, walk out with a demeaning severance, and feel psychologically prohibited from ever speaking of the event, which lessens any chance for emotional healing.

As always, I welcome your comments.

Blessings
Pm

Paul exhorted us (the church) to move forward as a collective body, one in mind, body, and spirit.

Several things prompted this post today; my own research, the story on Pastor Tullian Tchividjian, and my own story. A quick update on the research, we started a qualitative project several months ago to collect data on ministers who have experienced forced termination. Previous projects were to determine prevalence rates of forced termination (preliminary data show about 25% across all Protestant denominations). In this new project, we are interviewing ministry couples on their forced termination experience. The stories have been heartbreaking and traumatic for those who experienced it. As I listen to these stories, I keep asking myself why does the church (I define the church as followers of Christ) do this to people? Why does the church feel it is ok to treat ministry families in such an un-Christlike way? Why does the rest of the church stand around and allow it to happen? I can say that in almost every circumstance of forced termination the responsible party(s) make up less than 5% of the total population of the congregation. That means that 95% of the congregation stands by as onlookers watching a family be emotionally tortured. And we wonder why the church has a hard time reaching the lost!!

You may not have heard the story of Pastor Tullian Tchividjian. His story is a forced termination being played out in view of the public. You can read some of the stories here In short, when Dr. James Kennedy died some time ago Pastor Tchividjian was voted in as the new pastor 91%. He would also be merging his own church with the 2,500-member Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Almost immediately a charge was led against him by a small minority in the church headed by the daughter of the late Dr. Kennedy. Pastor Tchividjian reports that between 100 and 200 people are against him and would like him to leave (they are forcing him out). That number is a little more than my reported 5% but still a small faction of people creating conflict in the congregation and a majority of people allowing it to happen. It is shameful! A great congregation, with a great legacy, left by a great man of God being dragged through the mud by a few people who don’t like the fact that the pastor doesn’t wear a robe to preach in like Dr. Kennedy did. The pastor said in a Christianity Today interview:

Francis Schaeffer once said that division inside the church gives the world the justification they’re looking for not to believe. This conflict ensued because those who had a grievance did not come to me or the leadership of the church, but they took it to the street. They did not follow Matthew 18.
As a result of not handling their grievance or their complaint biblically, conflict ensued and we gave the world the justification they’re looking for not to believe the gospel.

Last, this topic is close to my heart because my family experienced a forced termination. On Easter of 2005 I along with the Senior Pastor and the rest of the pastoral staff were forced to resign. Our story was very similar to Pastor Tchividjian’s. A new Senior Pastor had been voted in with an overwhelming majority, memory fails me but it was very close to 100%. Another church in the same town was without a Senior Pastor and most of its staff. A well-meaning board member approached the new Senior Pastor about merging the two churches. Another church in town wanted to by the property I served at. Sounded like a great idea. We had already purchased property to move, another church wanted our property to start a new inner city ministry, and the third church (without the staff) was without debt as well. It would have been a great move for the city and all the churches involved. But a few, less than 5%, wanted to hang on to all their trophies. It happened to be a family in my situation that had been there from the near beginning, they had donated many items that adorned the church, put in a lot of effort into making the church what it was. This small group of people started a campaign much like the article outlines on Pastor Tchividjian’s. They took to the streets gaining support for their cause. On the day of the merger vote, families who were on the role but had not attended in years showed up to vote. They won by a slim margin and forced us to resign.

At the time my wife was 7 months pregnant and was having complications with her pregnancy. We had just bought a house at the urging of the church and the pastor who hired us. The pastor who hired us even offered to help us with a down payment (which never happened). We had a seven year old at the time. The forced termination almost thrust us out of the ministry. We were devastated in every way, spiritually, emotionally, and because of that we were hurting physically. High chronic Stress has been well researched as a major underlying cause of most illnesses in Americans. Because we had lost half of our family income and would soon lose my wife’s income because of early hospitalization, we were devastated financially as well. The church had promised us a three months severance package but about a week or so after leaving, we were called to the church for a meeting. At that meeting I was forced to sign a letter saying, among other things, that I promised never to reveal anything about this event or talk about the church in a negative way, in order to get my severance. Feeling the financial pressure and being coerced by ranking members of my denomination, I signed the letter. They handed over my check for one months worth of pay minus all my benefits. It was essentially one week’s paycheck. Now some may say I’m breaking an agreement by talking about it here. So what!

Through my research I have learned that this is a tactic used by these small factions in order to hide the fact that they treat ministers like this. What is even more shameful is that judicatory officials of all denominations are usually involved at some level of this deceit. When will the church be who we were called to be, one body, one mind, and one spirit, working against the evils and principalities that would seek to destroy the body of Christ? When will the majority of Christ followers make a stand against such atrocities? I wonder if they ever will! I wonder if there will be much of a bride for Christ to come back for. Paul said, in Phil. 3:18 “For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. 20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.” (NLT) As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments. If you would like to speak out, have your voice heard, or would like to participate in our research, please visit our website, http://www.forcedtermination.com

Blessings
PM