Dr. Marcus N. Tanner

January 7th, 2025

Welcome to the 2025 edition of Tuesdays with Dr. Tanner! I’m Dr. Tanner, and I’m so excited to start this journey with you as we explore the keys to building stronger, healthier relationships. This week, we’re starting with what I believe is the foundation of every great relationship: emotional connection.

Why Emotional Connection Matters

When couples feel emotionally connected, they’re better equipped to face life’s challenges together. Whether navigating stress, raising a family, or simply managing the day-to-day, emotional connection creates a bond that makes you a team. But what does it mean to be emotionally connected?

At its core, emotional connection is about feeling seen, heard, and valued by your partner. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect moments—it’s about the little things. When you feel truly understood and appreciated, it strengthens the trust and intimacy in your relationship.

Think about it this way: Emotional connection is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s what allows couples to weather storms, celebrate joys, and feel secure even during life’s most uncertain times. Without it, misunderstandings can grow, intimacy fades, and partners begin to feel like distant strangers. On the flip side, when emotional connection thrives, couples find it easier to communicate, to forgive, and to grow alongside one another.

What Does Emotional Connection Look Like?

At this point, you might be wondering: What does emotional connection actually look like in everyday life? It’s not always the dramatic, tear-filled moments you see in movies. Rather, it’s built on small, meaningful interactions that accumulate over time.

Here are some examples of what emotional connection looks like:

1. Checking in Throughout the Day
   • Something as simple as sending a text that says, “How’s your day going?” can make a huge difference. It communicates that you care about your partner’s well-being, even when life is busy. These little check-ins keep the connection alive and remind your partner they’re on your mind.
2. Listening with Presence
   • When your partner shares something—whether it’s a small frustration, a funny story, or a personal struggle—truly listening is one of the most powerful ways to build emotional intimacy.
   • How do you show presence while listening?
     • Put away distractions like your phone or the TV.
     • Make eye contact and nod to show you’re engaged
     • Reflect back what they’ve said to show you understand
     • Listening without immediately offering solutions or dismissing their feelings creates a space where your partner feels safe, valued, and heard.
3. Sharing Personal Moments
   • Vulnerability is at the heart of emotional connection. When you share something personal—a hope, a fear, a dream—you’re opening the door for deeper intimacy. In turn, your partner feels more comfortable being vulnerable with you.
   • This doesn’t always have to be heavy. Sharing a funny story, a random thought, or a childhood memory can all help deepen your bond. The key is honesty and openness.
4. Simple Acts of Care
   • Sometimes, it’s the smallest gestures that carry the most meaning. A smile when you walk into a room. A hug after a long day. A gentle touch on the arm when you’re sitting together. These actions might seem small, but they communicate love, warmth, and connection without the need for words.
   • In fact, physical touch can be a powerful way to build emotional intimacy. According to research, something as simple as holding hands or cuddling can reduce stress, strengthen trust, and release oxytocin—the “love hormone” that helps us feel bonded.

Why Small Moments Matter

At this point, you might be wondering: Do these small actions really matter that much?

The answer is a resounding yes. Emotional intimacy isn’t created overnight. It’s nurtured through small, consistent actions that show your partner you’re present, engaged, and committed to the relationship. Think of these moments like deposits into your “relationship bank account.”

Over time, they add up, building a strong foundation of trust, love, and security.

On the other hand, neglecting these small moments can cause disconnection to creep in. Partners who stop checking in, listening, or sharing with one another often find that emotional distance grows. That’s why it’s so important to prioritize connection in the little moments every day.

Barriers to Emotional Connection

Despite its importance, emotional connection doesn’t always come easily. Modern life is filled with distractions, stress, and busyness that can pull couples apart. Let’s explore some common barriers to emotional connection:

1. Distraction and Busyness
   • Between work, family responsibilities, and screens, it’s easy to become disconnected without even realizing it. When couples are too busy to pause and connect, emotional intimacy can fade over time.
2. Unresolved Conflict
   • When conflicts go unresolved, they create emotional distance. Partners may withdraw, hold grudges, or avoid deeper conversations, which hinders connection.
3. Fear of Vulnerability
   • Sharing your emotions requires courage. Some people fear being judged, rejected, or misunderstood, so they avoid opening up. Unfortunately, this fear can prevent true intimacy from developing.
4. Complacency
   • Over time, it’s easy to take your partner for granted and assume the connection will “just happen.” But like any aspect of a healthy relationship, emotional intimacy requires intention and effort.

Take Action Today

Ready to strengthen your emotional connection? Here’s a simple yet powerful action you can take today:

Ask your partner: “What’s one thing I can do to make you feel more connected to me?”

This question opens the door to honest communication and lets your partner know that their needs and feelings matter to you. It might reveal something surprising or confirm what you already know, but most importantly, it shows that you care. By taking this step, you’re actively prioritizing connection and working to build a stronger, healthier relationship.

The Long-Term Impact of Emotional Connection

So what happens when you prioritize emotional connection? Over time, you’ll notice some powerful changes in your relationship:

1. Better Communication: When you feel emotionally connected, it’s easier to talk openly and honestly with your partner.
2. Increased Intimacy: Trust and vulnerability pave the way for deeper emotional and physical intimacy.
3. Greater Resilience: Couples who feel connected are better equipped to navigate challenges and setbacks together.
4. Lasting Fulfillment: Emotional intimacy fosters a sense of love, security, and fulfillment that sustains relationships in the long run.

A Final Thought

Brené Brown once said, “Connection is why we’re here.” Human beings are wired to connect, and our relationships thrive when we prioritize that connection.

Remember, it’s not about perfection. Building emotional intimacy doesn’t mean you’ll never argue or have rough days. It’s about showing up for each other, day after day, in the small moments that matter most.

Start small. Be consistent. Listen, share, and care. Over time, you’ll see how these little actions lead to profound, lasting change in your relationship.

I can’t wait to see you back here next week for more insights on building healthy, loving relationships.

Take care, everyone